Thru That Darkest Door - A colorful beaming cloud over a black ocean
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Thru That Darkest Door

Following my inner calling can lead me down a most adventurous path, and part of that journey is death – not necessarily physical death, but the death of something in my life. J. R. R. Tolkien put those oracle words into the mouth of Gandalf, “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”
Such a quest for your inner calling frequently leads to desperate moments in which I question everything and have a sense of being completely lost, in which I feel like a complete failure. This ”dark night of the soul”, as the Christian mystic John of the Cross has put it, seems to be a necessary passageway on this journey to that fertile land of which my longing informs me. Nothing for the faint of heart! But, oh my, how very worth it is the trip, once you’ve arrived, and how so very much worth it do those dark moments feel in hindsight. So, come on, put all your chips on the table and come on board …

New Moon – a dark landscape
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New Moon

What carries me through a personal crisis? Those moments, in which I am loosing familiar faces, places – really, loosing my home in the world. With no idea what’s next and how to move on. Disruptive moments can be scary, gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching.
Yet hidden in them lies, albeit often invisible, already this new life of mine. While everything inside of me wants to cling to my old ways, through a personal crisis life is asking me very unapologetically to come to it differently. As I turn towards this dark that has come upon me, there is a chance to discover something in this gloomy doom, a hidden treasure. Diamonds are made in intense pressure. And this moment of dark will pass, too. After all, new moon is the beginning of a new cycle. This is what transmutation is all about.